YUP! We’re starting with the spoilers, and you know what that means… FUCK. THIS. MOVIE…
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Splice’ (2009)
This movie is just plain dumb, with some of the worst fucking acting I’ve ever seen. I mean, ‘Tommy Wiseau School of Acting’ bad. Mind you, not as bad as The Bay (2012), more like on par with They (2002). If you’re making movies with a budget, there’s no excuse to have bad acting.
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘The Forrest’ (2016)
You may remember from my review of the original Doom (2005), that fans were unnecessarily critical of it for not really using any of the video game cannon. My response to this was, “So the fuck what?” It had all the right elements for a fun action/horror, and still had enough similarities with the video game franchise to call itself Doom. It also pioneered the FPS movie years before things like Hardcore Harry or Found Footage Hybrids like Chernobyl Diaries.
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Doom: Annihilation’ (2019)
Jesus fucking Christ. I haven’t seen a movie go for broke on the whole “asshole boyfriend” trope since White Settlers (2014). At least that asshole showed some growth. This prick doubled down at every moment of the movie. He goes from gaslighting his girlfriend Dani (played by Florence Pugh), to stringing along their relationship rather than dumping her, to using Dani’s sister’s suicide as a weapon, to being completely unsupportive as a boyfriend, to stealing a thesis from someone who is supposed to be a friend, to eye-fucking every woman in sight. The list goes on and fucking on. GOD! How hard do you have to drive home the guy being an asshole?
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Midsommar’ (2019)
I really should make a point to read the fucking books… I’m a movie critic, people! Still, I’m sure there is subtle context in this movie that was lost in interpretation from the book.
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘The Relic’ (1997)
I remember when this indie came out, I actually rented it on VHS at a Blockbuster Video (that’s how old I am, people). It was sorta the first indie to really escape the Hollywood trap. Even The Blair Which was purchased and distributed by a major (while small) studio. Cube was the first movie I found out about on the ‘World Wide Web.’ For anyone under the age of 30, that’s what the ‘www’ stands for. So yeah, I found out about this movie back in the days of message boards and AOL. I guess that kinda makes it the first viral horror movie. If this bad boy ever saw theaters, it was one of those privately owned theaters that plays artsy foreign garbage.
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Cube’ (1997)
I know when my reviews start with the spoilers, that usually means the movie is garbage and I’m about to tell you how bad. Not Tremors (1990). This movie is fucking epic! However, considering the general tone and style of the movie, it’s appropriate to treat it like a trash film, so spoilers away.
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Tremors’ (1990)
Yeah, this was fun. As many of my readers well know, my wife watches a lot of horror movies with me, and one of our favorite things to do is riff the movie we’re watching. It’s one of the ways I know a movie has riffing potential. Of course this movie, being a shoe-string indie, had all kinds of riffable material. It’s like the trope my wife coined “ForeCaging,” (named after the hammy acting of Nicolas Cage) which means “Foreshadowing riff worthy material from the setup.”
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Zombie With A Shotgun’ (2019)
I ended up watching this because a friend recommended it after I surprisingly enjoyed Color Out Of Space (2019). The 2010’s brought us a huge uptick in seriously quality Lovecraftian horror, many of which made it on to my ‘All Time Top Horror‘ list.
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘The Endless’ (2017)
This movie is pretty bad, but for what it is, it’s actually quite good. And I don’t mean ‘so bad it’s good,’ I mean actually good. And I’m not grading on a curve here. Don’t misunderstand me, there is so much about this movie that is jut flat out bad that it should fit into the category of good-bad movies. In fact, I struggle to place it anywhere else. It’s a bit of a paradox, a movie being both good and bad while not technically being good-bad.
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of C.H.U.D. (1984)