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Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘The Forrest’ (2016)

Man, this movie is pretty racist…

This movie is just plain dumb, with some of the worst fucking acting I’ve ever seen. I mean, ‘Tommy Wiseau School of Acting’ bad. Mind you, not as bad as The Bay (2012), more like on par with They (2002). If you’re making movies with a budget, there’s no excuse to have bad acting.

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Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Doom: Annihilation’ (2019)

Doom, take two…

You may remember from my review of the original Doom (2005), that fans were unnecessarily critical of it for not really using any of the video game cannon. My response to this was, “So the fuck what?” It had all the right elements for a fun action/horror, and still had enough similarities with the video game franchise to call itself Doom. It also pioneered the FPS movie years before things like Hardcore Harry or Found Footage Hybrids like Chernobyl Diaries.

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Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Midsommar’ (2019)

The consequences of gaslighting your girlfriend

Jesus fucking Christ. I haven’t seen a movie go for broke on the whole “asshole boyfriend” trope since White Settlers (2014). At least that asshole showed some growth. This prick doubled down at every moment of the movie. He goes from gaslighting his girlfriend Dani (played by Florence Pugh), to stringing along their relationship rather than dumping her, to using Dani’s sister’s suicide as a weapon, to being completely unsupportive as a boyfriend, to stealing a thesis from someone who is supposed to be a friend, to eye-fucking every woman in sight. The list goes on and fucking on. GOD! How hard do you have to drive home the guy being an asshole?

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Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘The Relic’ (1997)

‘Night at the Museum’ (rated R)

I really should make a point to read the fucking books… I’m a movie critic, people! Still, I’m sure there is subtle context in this movie that was lost in interpretation from the book.

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Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Cube’ (1997)

Simple, violent, brutal.

I remember when this indie came out, I actually rented it on VHS at a Blockbuster Video (that’s how old I am, people). It was sorta the first indie to really escape the Hollywood trap. Even The Blair Which was purchased and distributed by a major (while small) studio. Cube was the first movie I found out about on the ‘World Wide Web.’ For anyone under the age of 30, that’s what the ‘www’ stands for. So yeah, I found out about this movie back in the days of message boards and AOL. I guess that kinda makes it the first viral horror movie. If this bad boy ever saw theaters, it was one of those privately owned theaters that plays artsy foreign garbage.

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Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Tremors’ (1990)

One of the best B-Movie ever made

SPOILERS!!!

I know when my reviews start with the spoilers, that usually means the movie is garbage and I’m about to tell you how bad. Not Tremors (1990). This movie is fucking epic! However, considering the general tone and style of the movie, it’s appropriate to treat it like a trash film, so spoilers away.

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Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Zombie With A Shotgun’ (2019)

More plot than you’d expect to get out of a zombie with a shotgun…

Yeah, this was fun. As many of my readers well know, my wife watches a lot of horror movies with me, and one of our favorite things to do is riff the movie we’re watching. It’s one of the ways I know a movie has riffing potential. Of course this movie, being a shoe-string indie, had all kinds of riffable material. It’s like the trope my wife coined “ForeCaging,” (named after the hammy acting of Nicolas Cage) which means “Foreshadowing riff worthy material from the setup.”

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Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘The Endless’ (2017)

Stuck at home? At least you’re not The Endless.

I ended up watching this because a friend recommended it after I surprisingly enjoyed Color Out Of Space (2019). The 2010’s brought us a huge uptick in seriously quality Lovecraftian horror, many of which made it on to my ‘All Time Top Horror‘ list.

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Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of C.H.U.D. (1984)

Surprisingly good for bad horror.

This movie is pretty bad, but for what it is, it’s actually quite good. And I don’t mean ‘so bad it’s good,’ I mean actually good. And I’m not grading on a curve here. Don’t misunderstand me, there is so much about this movie that is jut flat out bad that it should fit into the category of good-bad movies. In fact, I struggle to place it anywhere else. It’s a bit of a paradox, a movie being both good and bad while not technically being good-bad.

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Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Color Out of Space’ (2019)

When the whole movie goes full Cage!

Back in my review of Mandy, (2018) I complained that I didn’t get the ultimate Nick Cage experience I was promised. I was told it would be full force, category 5, Nicolas Cage. I was expecting Cage to deliver the ham of godly proportions. The reason this was so important to me, is that it was litmus test for this movie, Color Out of Space (2019).

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