Big Trouble on a Little Vessel…
A Russian, an Aussie, a Brit, and an American, bord a ship… Idontfuckingknow, maybe don’t start your movie like a bad bar joke? It doesn’t even make any god damn sense. On what ship, would American, Russian, and Aussie soldiers be together with British Intelligence? It’s a small complaint, and really, the movie was pretty good, so it was also a complaint that I can forgive. It just annoyed me for some reason.
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Blood Vessel’ (2019)
‘Night at the Museum’ (rated R)
I really should make a point to read the fucking books… I’m a movie critic, people! Still, I’m sure there is subtle context in this movie that was lost in interpretation from the book.
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘The Relic’ (1997)
One of the best B-Movie ever made
I know when my reviews start with the spoilers, that usually means the movie is garbage and I’m about to tell you how bad. Not Tremors (1990). This movie is fucking epic! However, considering the general tone and style of the movie, it’s appropriate to treat it like a trash film, so spoilers away.
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Tremors’ (1990)
Surprisingly good for bad horror.
This movie is pretty bad, but for what it is, it’s actually quite good. And I don’t mean ‘so bad it’s good,’ I mean actually good. And I’m not grading on a curve here. Don’t misunderstand me, there is so much about this movie that is jut flat out bad that it should fit into the category of good-bad movies. In fact, I struggle to place it anywhere else. It’s a bit of a paradox, a movie being both good and bad while not technically being good-bad.
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of C.H.U.D. (1984)
My favorite in a long line of ‘Alien’ ripoffs
I figured I should pull up some horror movies from my childhood to sort of explain where my weird sense of appreciation for the genre stems from…
MAN, you know you’re the Kmart version of another franchise when the picture on IMDb is a faded crinkled movie poster, creases intact.
Not even the Kmart version, this is like the AIMS or Bradly’s version. That shit they were schlepping right before they went out of business. I think I just dated myself…
Anyway, you may know that I’m a HUGE fan of circa 70-90s rubber monster creature features, and this movie delivered my favorite rubber monster as the Kmart version of Ridley Scott’s masterpiece Alien. I always had a soft spot in my heart for this obvious Go-Bot (Transformers impostors of the 1980s… man, I really am dating myself) and used to rent this movie frequently when I was about 10 to 12.
The plot was a direct ripoff of Alien, the crew was practically a ripoff of Alien. The setting might as well been from the discount H.R. Giger bin. The movie might as well be called Ridley’s Rejects… but I love it all the same.
I don’t know why I love it. Maybe it’s my giddy childhood nostalgia for the rubber monsters of my past, or maybe it’s the complete wash of obvious borrowed material that always gives me some level of glee, but I love this movie.
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘Creature’ (1985)