Posted on Leave a comment

Sky Sharks: Absolutely, Beautifully Bonkers!

See? I’ve been waiting since 2017!

Flying sharks with machine guns, jet engines, invisibility and ridden by zombie Nazis? YES PLEASE!

Folks, I have been waiting for this movie to be released for years. I heard it was out on VOD yesterday so I ran to my wallet and mashed $4.99 into Amazon Prime’s face hole so I could finally watch this damn thing. Why was this movie causing my tummy to flutter with such anticipation? Did you read the first sentence of this blog?

This is an opus of technicolor, CGI, gore and nudity. I know I get pissy about the overuse of CGI but in this case it was purely intentional and fit like a glove with the slick video game style of the film. The plot has no semblance of reality, is pretty jumbled and a little hard to follow. Allow me to give it my best shot. In 1944, the Nazis created a super goo called K7B and had some extreme experiments in all things fucked up. This was called Projekt Himmelfaust! If you injected a healthy man with K7B, he achieved a long-lasting life. Females turned into zombies because of their “cell structure”. Um … I’ll hold back my opinion on that tidbit only because this movie is so fucking awesome. Anyhoo, it also brings the dead Nazi soldiers littering the battlefield like racist fleas back to life. 

Why is it called Sky Sharks, Susan? OMG, you guys. The Nazis also developed tech that allows sharks to fly and cloak themselves. They were the perfect weapon systems. They slapped some machine guns and rocket launchers on them. The undead Nazi soldiers rode and controlled them. And because they are still sharks, of course, they eat people. I even saw a couple hammerheads flying around some scenes and that is always a nice touch. 

The first scene sets us up in a commercial airplane with a bunch of idiots on board. The humor is pretty goofy and I was worried this would just be another stoner shark flick, only made because two people on YouTube might think it’s funny. I was mistaken. A flock of Nazi sharks approach. They shoot swastikas at the plane. The zombie Nazis get onboard and commence a very impressive gore fest at 30,000 feet. Yah, it’s all CGI but it’s super fun. I squealed aloud. 

We are introduced to Dr. Richter who runs Richter Technology’s “Investigation of Ancient War Engine”. I have no idea either, folks. Just roll with it. Global warming has exposed a Nazi warship in the Arctic and Richter’s daughter goes to investigate. It ain’t just a warship. It’s Himmelfaust! There are undead bastards everywhere. A scientist couple is making whoopee for some reason and a zombie comes in, rips off the dude’s head and drags the naked lady scientist over to the shark tank, dangling her like a sexy carrot. Richter’s daughter gets injected with something that makes her freak out in the shower later on. Back at home, Richter confesses that he was a big fat Nazi who synthesized K7B and then came to America after the war. 

Meanwhile, the sky sharks are attacking the world. All flights are grounded. Fun, gory scenes spatter the movie like … you know when you are trying to squeeze the last bit of Sriracha out of the bottle and it all of the sudden over-squirts and you are left wondering how to salvage your Mac-n-cheese? Like that. 

Richter confesses more stuff. When he came to America after WWII, he replicated his work on US soldiers during the Vietnam War. We get a gnarly flashback that looks like Resident Evil goes to ‘Nam. The point is that Richter knows how to mind-control things. I think. I told you this is a very jumbled plot. Project Dead Flesh is the name of this little science experiment which is not very creative but again, I will give this movie a pass. 

The daughter turns zombie because that’s what … sigh … happens to females injected with K7B. The sky sharks attack the good guys. Then, Richter shows up with his own shark. I can’t spoil it for you. Just know that it is epic. The good guys try to defeat the Nazi ghouls and their flying fishies. Do they? I refuse to tell you. You need to watch this movie. 

The soundtrack is Scarface meets Skrillex. There are appearances from Tony Todd (Candyman) and Amanda Bearse (Married With Children). This movie felt like a mixture of Starship Troopers, Sharknado, and Frankenstein’s Army. There’s boobs. People speak German. Everything is really amped up in this movie. It’s a lot to take in. When it was over, I felt spent. My hair was matted. My mascara had run. I needed a shower. I openly wept. 

Please, for the love of all things unholy, watch this movie. Do it for me. Do it for your old buddy, Susan. I need to talk about this with someone who understands. Do it. Do it now. 

Director: Marc Fehse

Where to watch: Amazon Prime, Vudu, YouTube, Google Play

Leave a Reply