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Shark Night: Stop it With the Awesome!

My little marine biologist heart was all a-glow when the opening credits featured real shark footage in a lovely bloody hue. It’s as if they made an effort which is quite rare in this genre. This movie has a pretty high production value and some recognizable actors, not the least of which is Donal Logue and some guy I am pretty sure is in Schitt$ Creek. Actual actors! My stars…I might like this one!

Director: David R. Ellis

The film opens with the Chrissy scene from Jaws. Like exactly that scene. Same attack sequence, same dipshit oblivious boyfriend. Oh yah, and it takes place in a lake. Another lake shark movie? But this is a salt water lake, so totally legit. 

We have a group of college students heading to Lake Crosby to blow off some steam. A good deal of time is spent setting up who’s the slut, who’s the geek, who’s the blah blah, and who’s going to be hooking up. They all are staying at Sara Powski’s house. She’s a big deal. Popular and blonde as the snickerdoodle brownies I ate while I watched this movie. And I wonder why I don’t have a body like Sara Powski. I digress. 

This motley crew of millenials encounters a couple of blatant racists at a bait shop on the way to the lake. This is important because one of them is Sara Powski’s ex-boyfriend. There’s definitely a back story there. It also happens to be one of the strangest back stories ever. I’m still not sure I understand it but later in the film, it’s revealed and it has something to do with running out of oxygen and a propeller to the face. 

Pretty quickly after getting out on the water, shit happens. There be sharks in these waters. The star athlete guy loses a limb and Nick, the med student guy, is tasked with trying to keep him alive. There is no cell service and everyone seems to have forgotten there was a vehicle they drove in with. Their boat has a bit of an accident and more carnage ensues. The bait shop rednecks come by to “help” and offer to go get some medical assistance. One of the them has pointy snake-fang front teeth. I am not sure why, but that makes everything a lot better for me. 

Now it becomes more and more apparent that there are multiple sharks in this lake, and multiple species! 46 species to be exact although, unfortunately, we don’t get to meet them all. That’s why I really enjoyed this movie. I won’t give it away but the reason why these sharks are there is pretty twisted, diabolical, and utterly wonderful. The fact that the film brings us a tiger, hammerhead, bull, and a great white is only eclipsed by the inclusion of a species never before seen featured in a sharksploitation film (If someone can prove me wrong, I’ll eat my hat). Cookie Cutter sharks! Oh joy of joys! I mean, it’s pretty terrific for the filmmakers to think of these oft-overlooked little cutie pies, but they did a damn good job of making them look like actual cookie cutter sharks. That death scene is by far the most disturbing. I would have jumped up and down but I was weighed down heavily by those snickerdoodle brownies. 

The climax of the film is not bad at all. We finally get the full super weird Sara/bait shop ex back story. Sara’s adorable dog plays a prominent role. We get a whole steaming bowl of comeuppance in the face. Sharks eat people. I am not sure that it can get much better than that. 

I am not leaving you without circling back to Donal Logue. I adore him and this role did not disappoint. He plays the Sheriff who is goofy, amicable, and a huge fan of hair metal. There is a scene with him, the Schitt$ Creek guy and a tiger shark that tickled me to the point of shooting brownie crumbs out of my nose. 

Also, I noticed a couple of the kids have a beer pong floatie. Is that a real thing? That could be a game changer. Amazon, here I come. 

See ya next time!

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