Folks, you may not know this about me but I am also a poet. My review this week is a poetic reflection on this movie. Anything else, I would lose my shit. But I use the term “poetry” loosely here. Don’t you dare judge me. I watched this movie so you don’t have to. I am a god damn hero.
Port Amanzi Africa
Guy marine biologist has device that makes sounds
Gets attacked by dudes
Exotic African beats and foggy shit
They slice his arm and throw him in
Florida, marine bio student
Casper is BFFs with Tom Brady IRL
Which makes total sense aesthetically
12 shark attacks in 3 months
Journal of Marine Biology WOW
Found dude’s watch in its liver??
1999 (remember the year)
Ernie Hudson = Ghostbusters
Fishing devastated by shark attacks
Finds out his buddy is dead in the most lethargic way ever
Blacktip
Red tide
Corinne= sister of dead dude
Any excuse for a brawl
American! You did good out there
Local tribe knows the deal
Thumper makes heartbeat-y sounds
Attracts sharks to corral them
Shady scientist smokes a lot and says “anytime”’ twice
What accents are these??
Catch one liver deformed
Not even a white shark
Inflammation of the brain
Reverted back to primal instinct
Cells- dark spots- hormones because why?
“Think of the shark system as an engine, if you drive it too hard or too fast it’ll burn out”
Cure for cancer
Synthetic growth hormones
The boy! He almost died but didn’t
Is he sharky now?
Kidnapped by bad guys
Casper and boring Corinne thrown into water like the first dude
Miraculously find an O2 tank
(We can afford one car crash make it good)
Bunch of gross patients
Abandoned by Dr Craven (smoking guy)
Only shark? WTF?
Break into lab
Come up with a totally ineffective way of dispatching bad guys
Trade with Corinne
And hotel guy wants to develop too many things
Oil
Oh like a twist
Locals and action and shooting and what not
Fighting
Evil guys laughing a lot
They enjoyed feeding dude to the shark
Bad financier guy shoots smoker scientist with harpoon
All the sudden he’s good guy, but not really
Helicopter fight with bad guy
Sharks only eat bad guy
Casper alone on a calm sea looking fabulous
Recommendation nope
Director: Bob Misiorowski, Mandy Branch (two of you and this is what you came up with?)
Where to watch: Amazon Prime