You have what every man, woman, and sentient rock wants: a job in publishing. And not just any job in publishing. A career working for the incredible and sometimes quite insane giant of publishing and paper-related war crimes,
Madness Heart Press.
First, congratulations. Second, you have before you an opportunity, an opportunity to excel, to flourish, to ride humanity like the writhing lust-filled lover you always knew it to be. But this career path is laden with pitfalls, with hazards; and only the most observant and diligent of MHP employees will make it to the ascension of the 401k.
Herein lies the advice from the officers and managers of Madness Heart Press. A guide for always succeeding. A map for avoiding the myriad and deadly dangers of the office workplace. Keep it safe, keep it hidden, keep it on your person at all times.
Welcome, to Madness Heart Press.