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Deep Blue Sea 3: A satisfying cheesy snack!

I haven’t written a review of the original Deep Blue Sea. Why? Because it would just be the sentence “This movie is fucking awesome” over and over like I was possessed by Jack Torrance. The second installment was so bad my review was written in song. So what about DBS3? 

First and most importantly, the tits to beefcake ratio has much improved from the past. Sure, the main character, Emma, is clad in skimpy swimsuits most of the movie. But I am pleased to see many more hunky men being exploited. Huzzah!

This movie continues right from DBS2 with Bella’s pups having escaped from Dr. Durant’s lab. They swim right for a shark nursery located at a floating island called “Little Happy”. Dr. Emma and her team are there to study climate change’s effects on sharks. Close to the start, my heart sank when a Great White named Sally swims up to Emma, stops in her tracks, and stares her down. Emma spouts “Sally’s just reminding me who I am and who she is.” For the love of … and now I’m already annoyed by this Emma chick. Clearly it’s important that we know she is a tough-as-nails, hard drinking, “I don’t believe in love” type. All the women marine biologists in sharksploitation are like this. Just one time, show a female marine biologist like me. Slightly overweight, pees in her wetsuit, and keeps getting out of the water to snack on Cheez-Its. 

Emma’s old grad school flame, Richie, pays a visit to the island. He caught and killed Bella and is after her three super smart pups. Emma’s team doesn’t trust his team. Richie’s team doesn’t trust Emma’s team. One of Emma’s assistants tracks Bella’s beacon GPS history and discovers she came from DBS2 and they all must have watched that movie because they totally freak. Two Great Whites and a dude get eaten by the pups. Richie snags one of them which pisses off the other two. They start attacking the boat until Richie points a gun at their brother’s head. Then they back off. Because … smart.

Little known fact: Cheez-Its boxes are known to keep sharks at arms distance.
Little known fact: Cheez-Its boxes are known to keep sharks at arms distance.

Eventually it comes to light that Richie is a dick. The pups are drawn to Momma Bella’s beacon and emote an “emotional response” when the beacon is turned on. Every DBS film needs a mad scientist so Richie gets to be that. He wants to use the tech to make humans “feel” so he can change the world. Not sure how that would work or why but dammit we need an evil scientist and an evil scientist we shall have!

But is he really the bad guy?

The second half of the film sort of turns everything on its head. I won’t give too much away but it gets fun. I rather liked this installment of the DBS franchise. I think you will too. Especially if you like any of the following: mid-attack naps, post-speech surprise attacks (the signature of the DBS series), underwater fights, above-water fights, Great white interventions, and/or neck hole chumming. 

The climax of the movie surprised me. It was different. Let’s just say they “compacted” a lot into it and “squeezed” out some excitement. So my verdict is that DBS is AMAZING, DBS2 sucks balls, and DBS3 is somewhere in between but still a pretty good addition to the series. 

The $40 box of Cheez-It snack packs just arrived from Amazon so I gotta run.*

See ya next time!

Director: John Pogue

Where to watch: Amazon Prime 

*Note: I do not work for the Kellogg’s brand of delicious snack products but if they happen to see this and want to pay me, so be it.

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