As expected, this sequel to one of the funnest sharksploitation films ever made is quite inferior. However, I was equal parts horrified and tickled to hear the theme song for this travesty of a film. It comes right after the opening scene, and boy howdy, it’s a doozy. With magical and haunting lyrics like “Swimming through the riptide of life” or something similar (my mind shut down somewhere during the third lyric) it reminded me of a song one could find in a Baywatch episode or an After School Special. The main hook was “Drowning in a deep bluuuuuue seeeeeeeaa!” That part is important to note.
So for this blog, I would like to give you my version of the Drowning in a Deep Blue Sea song with the lyrics changed to retell the story of the mediocre film that is Deep Blue Sea 2. (OMG you guys, they have a soundtrack you can buy! This is totally happening)
Welcome to the shit show, folks.
With the fishermen finning
There’s danger over the radio
Sharks in squadron formation
Produce a gory man’s torso
Drowning in the deep bluuuuuuuue seeeeea!
The CGI’s slightly better
The species more right
But the violence is a snoozer
When they decide to bite
Drowning in the deep bluuuuuuuue seeeeea!
Mr. Durant wants to create
Super humans you see
Because AI’s taking over
Making humans history
Drowning in the deep bluuuuuuuue seeeeea!
Sharks aren’t lab mice
The lab’s full of hubris
The rabbit’s got the gun now
What could go wrong with this?
Drowning in the deep bluuuuuuuue seeeeea!
Bella has her little pups
Who are squeaky like rats
They’re little super piranha
Hold onto your hats!
Drowning in the deep bluuuuuuuue seeeeea!
Perimeter malfunction
The emergency lights cast a hue
We see a lot of her cleavage
In red, green, and blue
Drowning in the deep bluuuuuuuue seeeeea!
A surprise beheading
Underwater blow torch fail
The wounds would be better
If they were caused by a whale
Drowning in the deep bluuuuuuuue seeeeea!
Swim for the boat
Durant, Bella wants you
Can’t let smart sharks survive
So make lab go KAPLOO!
Drowning in the deep bluuuuuuuue seeeeea!
Into the bluuuuuuuue
(falls to knees dramatically)
Into the bluuuuuuue
(Raises one hand to sky)
Drowning in the deep bluuuuuuuue seeeeea!
Director: Darin Scott
Where to watch: Amazon Prime, Netflix
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