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Barlow Available Now!

When Enoch and Associates hired Barlow over one hundred forty years ago, they granted him psychic powers, great wealth, and a long life. But the Powers that rule our planet use The Old Firm to victimize humanity, something Barlow cannot allow. Since he can’t oppose them directly, Barlow works to subvert their malicious cause. He is overmatched and he needs allies.

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Review: “Will Haunt You,” by Brian Kirk

Let’s just get this established right up front: Brian Kirk is a hell of a writer. He’s a gifted storyteller, but what’s more, he has mastered some of the subtler tools of horror. His characters are grounded and realistic, and his grasp of voice is perhaps his greatest gift, one that, incidentally, is also Stephen King’s secret weapon. When Kirk writes dialogue it’s crisp and lively, and when he brings us inside a character’s head (at one point, not to give too much away, quite literally) it feels rich and human. Kirk and King are both, I suspect, fantastic listeners, given their skill in evocation and the fleshing out of fictional persons.

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Shark Attack: Casper Van Poetry

Folks, you may not know this about me but I am also a poet. My review this week is a poetic reflection on this movie. Anything else, I would lose my shit. But I use the term “poetry” loosely here. Don’t you dare judge me. I watched this movie so you don’t have to. I am a god damn hero.

Port Amanzi Africa 

Guy marine biologist has device that makes sounds

Gets attacked by dudes

Exotic African beats and foggy shit

They slice his arm and throw him in

Florida, marine bio student

Casper is BFFs with Tom Brady IRL

Which makes total sense aesthetically

12 shark attacks in 3 months

Journal of Marine Biology WOW

Found dude’s watch in its liver??

1999 (remember the year)

Ernie Hudson = Ghostbusters

Fishing devastated by shark attacks

Finds out his buddy is dead in the most lethargic way ever

Blacktip

Red tide

Corinne= sister of dead dude

Any excuse for a brawl

American! You did good out there

Local tribe knows the deal

Thumper makes heartbeat-y sounds

Attracts sharks to corral them

Shady scientist smokes a lot and says “anytime”’ twice

What accents are these?? 

Catch one liver deformed 

Not even a white shark

Inflammation of the brain

Reverted back to primal instinct

Cells- dark spots- hormones because why?

“Think of the shark system as an engine, if you drive it too hard or too fast it’ll burn out”

Cure for cancer

Synthetic growth hormones

The boy! He almost died but didn’t

Is he sharky now?

Kidnapped by bad guys

Casper and boring Corinne thrown into water like the first dude

Miraculously find an O2  tank

(We can afford one car crash make it good)

Bunch of gross patients

Abandoned by Dr Craven (smoking guy)

Only shark? WTF?

Break into lab

Come up with a totally ineffective way of dispatching bad guys

Trade with Corinne

And hotel guy wants to develop too many things

Oil

Oh like a twist 

Locals and action and shooting and what not

Fighting

Evil guys laughing a lot

They enjoyed feeding dude to the shark 

Bad financier guy shoots smoker scientist with harpoon

All the sudden he’s good guy, but not really

Helicopter fight with bad guy

Sharks only eat bad guy

Casper alone on a calm sea looking fabulous

Recommendation nope


Director: Bob Misiorowski, Mandy Branch (two of you and this is what you came up with?)

Where to watch: Amazon Prime

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Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of, the one, the only, ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ (1974)

A timeless legend

Lets talk about one of the greatest classics in the slasher genre. This movie set a standard that raised the bar far beyond what other slashers in the genre were ever capable. There was a level of unhinged insanity captured in this movie and the effect really deserves more credit than it ever gets.

As I previously explained about Friday the 13th (F13), the acting was abysmal, the premise laughable, and the overall execution was generic, but it was still fantastic and became the standard for slashers as a genre. That’s because The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (TTCM) was more than just some slasher. It predates both Halloween (1978) and F13 (1980), and basically blows both of the out of the water.

Let’s talk about why. Leatherface walked onto the scene and stunned with everything that he was. They didn’t save him for some big reveal, they put his ass right up front and center with the first kill of the movie. Jason Voorhees doesn’t make an appearance until the second F13, and doesn’t even get the iconic hockey mask until the third F13. Leatherface is also deeply developed. Hell, Michael Myers doesn’t even get an actual back story until the fourth movie. Leatherface never speaks, but he still emotes. He reacts in tangible ways that allow the audience to ponder his thought process. They make a very specific point of showing the eyes underneath the human skin mask he wears, darting back in forth in worry and confusion. The director wanted you to think about what Leatherface was thinking, wanted you to try and process that there is a consciousness behind each horrific acts. Leatherface wasn’t just some slash’o, killing the kids fucking in the woods, he’s a mass murderer with thought and drive. He has reason, warped and insane as that reason might be.

It’s fair to say the acting was on point. At least equal to the acting in Halloween. And it wasn’t just Leatherface, every member of the cast was solid, even the bit rolls. The setting was marvelous and the atmosphere meticulously constructed. You could smell the rot through the theater screen. It was gritty, grimy, dark; just absolutely caked with filth. The FX were bargain barrel but they were used perfectly. Camera filters, lighting, the occasional smattering of fake blood. Simple. And the story is powerful enough to be an urban legend. It is, after all, looooooosely based on a true story called The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. They even have the real radio report during the opening of the movie. Mind you, there was never any mass murderer, just a grave robber who stole and skinned corpses. But it was enough to send the imagination reeling.

TTCM is special. It wasn’t just some slasher. Perhaps that’s what it became over the years and perhaps that’s what was wrong with the latter 2003 adaptation, but originally it was beyond standards. This movie is absolute required viewing for Horror Heads.

SPOILERS!!!

Lets talk about what made this movie perfect. Absolute, unhinged, madness. By the end of the movie, the actual actress was pushed so hard by her involvement in the movie, she snapped. We get to witness one of the most honest moments in horror ever presented; a person actually losing their mind.

Everything in the movie is so insane, so violently warped, that the madness is real. The effect was real. I can only imagine that the unprepared minds of 1970’s audiences were simply incapable of processing it. The actress might have actually snapped, but nothing less could have been expected of the character she played. Anyone confronted with the same psychotic circumstances would have lost their wits as well.

Heck the last survivor doesn’t get away because she formulates a plan. She flails and claws like a trapped animal until one of the Sawyers makes a mistake and she pulls herself free. Her only escape, flinging herself through a window. That is just fucking brutal. You get the feeling that she just flung herself aimlessly through the nearest exit, no sense of the consequences. And at that point, the actress was so flustered, it’s hard to know if she was acting or out of her damn mind.

That’s what makes this movie so great. Real, tangible, madness. Again, this is required viewing for all Horror Heads.

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Review: “Dendera,” by Yuya Sato

Being human, it’s easy to forget that we are animals. By all rights, it shouldn’t be. We navigate our world in fleshy bodies, and experience it with our five very animal senses. Other than the addition of a few more CCs of brainpower than most species come equipped with, we could even be called unremarkable – fairly pedestrian, actually, when compared to a falcon or an octopus. Despite this, “human vs. nature” is still often used as one of the time-honored central themes of literature, as though a clear distinction could ever be drawn between the two. This imaginary divide has been breached with increasing frequency in the decades since 1962, when Rachel Carson published Silent Spring and kicked off the modern environmental movement. Since that time, writers including Utah’s own Terry Tempest Williams and Edward Abbey (the latter of whom is considered one of the founding thinkers of eco-terrorism) have attempted to un-brick the imaginary wall between Homo sapiens and our scaly, furred, and feathered brethren.

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