The Many Tendrilled Demon of Poor Time Management
Frankenfish: A Sharksploitation-Adjacent Review
This movie is loosely, and I mean loosely based on a real-life snakehead infestation in Maryland. I am always on the lookout for fish monster movies so I had some high expectations that this movie would be a breath of fresh air, a beacon of light in the storm of the same ol’ same ol’ sharksploitation-esque plot tropes.
Continue reading Frankenfish: A Sharksploitation-Adjacent ReviewReed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘She Never Died’ (2015)
I REALLY wanted to like this movie. It’s from the same writer/director as He Never Died (2015), which was fucking epic. It even had some really solid plot ideas. I don’t know who fucked this up, but they fucked it up BAD. Maybe they needed Jason Krawczyk to direct, or maybe Jason was never a good writer and Henry Rollins really did clean up He Never Died (2015).
Continue reading Reed Alexander’s Horror Review of ‘She Never Died’ (2015)Maidens of Zombie Kingdom Book One Review
Zombies! Fantasy princesses! Royal ass-kicking! I was super psyched to read this one. It’s not often that a book has an intersection of so many good genres – in this case, horror, fantasy, and YA. Is YA a genre? I’m gonna go with yes. So let’s dig in.
Continue reading Maidens of Zombie Kingdom Book One ReviewThe Horror of the Howling Mob
1/6/2021 is a date that no American will ever forget. Not even during the Civil War – not since the War of 1812 – did any foe or force manage to penetrate the capital of the United States. Where Robert E. Lee, Adolf Hitler, and Nikita Khrushchev failed, Donald J. Trump succeeded. Like many, I watched events in Washington D.C. unfold that day live on my screen. First there were the machinations of democracy, boring but not as boring as they should have been. Without much in the way of warning, a recess was declared and then NPR’s feed of the proceedings was immediately cut off. I switched to a live news feed and watched as a mob of howling cultists and Confederate-flag-waving white supremacists stormed my country’s seat of government. They met little in the way of resistance. “The capital has fallen!” was how this was ecstatically reported by Harrison H. Smith, fill-in anchor at the loathsome Alex Jones’ InfioWars. While Smith’s enthusiastic exclamation would prove to be a premature ejaculation, for that brief moment he was correct.
Continue reading The Horror of the Howling MobMega Shark vs Mecha Shark: A Huge Pain in the A.I.
This is numero tres in the Mega Shark franchise and by far, the worst one yet. How can a movie about a 200 foot Megalodon and a giant robot shark-shaped death machine be boring? Well, this movie cracked that fucking code.
Continue reading Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark: A Huge Pain in the A.I.The Existential Horror of Pokemon
This morning my wife tried snuggling me, she asked if I was mad, I said, no, but that I was thinking about eating Pokemon. Her response? “That tracks.” But it doesn’t. Not really, Pokemon is a strange fantastic world filled with bright colors fueled by friendship, but if you peel back even the first layer of the game’s setting things begin to unravel in the worst way. Pokemon is a survival horror game as grisly and dark as they come. Let me explain.
Continue reading The Existential Horror of PokemonReview of Cruel Summer by Wesley Southard
Cruel Summer by Wesley Southard was a fun read. I have a soft spot for water-based horror since I’m personally terrified of the ocean, and this had all the watery creepy-crawlies you could shake a stick at, from enraged manatees to swordfish impaling people on boats to eels in bathtubs. Cruel Summer starts off right away with a character you love to hate in the form of Hoyt, the abusive boyfriend of Melissa, and the abusive potential step-father of her son, Patrick.
I was rooting for something terrible to happen to this man from the first page. I was not disappointed.
‘Ma’ (2019): Desperate Youth, Bloodthirsty Babes*
I have never been married and have no children. For my demographic (38, if you’re wondering), this puts me in the minority, although more Americans than ever before have made the same choice, and our ranks continue to grow. Having no kids definitely shapes one’s view of their behavior, making one an outsider to a lot of the dynamics of boundary-testing and youthful misadventure. I’m old enough that much of my experience from my youth doesn’t apply to the dynamics of today. While my family were extremely early adopters of the internet, social media didn’t exist when I was a teenager and connection speeds were still so slow that the internet was a clumsy, geeky thing for the most part. Cell phones were a new technology, clunky and owned by relatively few people. Some things, however, have not changed and may never change: for example, teenagers will always need a place to party.
Continue reading ‘Ma’ (2019): Desperate Youth, Bloodthirsty Babes*Video Game Monsters to Horrify
