First of all, the poster for this movie is perfection. It captures the hopelessness of the couple adrift in the deep dark sea, while god-only-knows is approaching them, unseen, from the inky depths. So many shark movies have ludicrous or misleading posters, but this one fucking nails it. Look at it, folks. Just look at it, damn you!!Continue reading Open Water: Picking the Scab of Despair
Not to take anything away from the powerful influence Jaws had on my life, but nothing can compare to Blue Water, White Death. Released five years before Jaws, this documentary feature film really sealed the deal for me in my obsession and subsequent decision to study these magnificent beasts. I wasn’t even born when this band of scientists, photographers, and all around nut jobs sailed around the world on the Terrier XIII in the quest to capture the Great White Shark on film … and introduce an unsuspecting audience to the beauty and grace of the ocean’s apex predator.Continue reading Blue Water, White Death: The Greatest Adventure
I must start by telling you there is no way I’m typing that title a dozen times in this blog. Seriously, I don’t want the carpal tunnel. So let’s establish the shortcut of PACS.Continue reading Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark: A Snort Laugh or Two, Guaranteed!
There are no Makos in this movie. None. Why not just call it Jaws of Death? I mean, they went out of their way to put Mako in the title and then provided no Mako. They Mako teased me.Continue reading Mako: The Jaws of Death
I have just finished compiling my upcoming book, Encyclopedia Sharksploitanica. I realized I have watched and reviewed 85 shark movies (and counting!). I thought I might run out of movies to review. Not yet. I might have to dive a little deeper into the hodgepodge of pseudo-legitimate streaming services to find them, or buy an obscure DVD from the distributor, but godammit … I’m gonna find them ALL!Continue reading Indie Shark Movie Therapy
Yes, folks, this is another movie written and directed by the notorious Mark Polonia. I just realized that I’ve never mentioned his brother Anthony. Anthony is in charge of the special effects on many of the Polonia Brothers productions including this one. Anthony is responsible, I assume, for the shark in this movie. The shark is a claymation puppet type thing. Therefore, I love Anthony Polonia. My adoration of claymation shark effects runs deep and is almost pathological. I can’t explain it, but even in the worst shark movie, a derpy shark makes my heart sing.Continue reading Land Shark: Boop! Boop!
Someone has apparently reached into my brain and created a movie. This movie is the self-aware and self-deprecating love letter to all terrible sharksploitation films. From the opening scene to the closing credits (seriously I read them and even they are hilarious), every detail of Bad CGI Sharks is corny and amazing.Continue reading Bad CGI Sharks: The Answer to Everything
I watched this 2021 film on VHS. I wanted you to know this because I am biased toward anyone who still uses this ancient technology, and this review may reflect that bias. Seriously, just being able to hear that beautiful hum of the tape rewinding? Am I right? I’m old and I like VCRs dammit.Continue reading Sharks of the Corn: Jaws is Getting Stalked!
I give Mark Polonia a hard time. A lot. He has made some of the worst shark movies known to mankind. There are, however, a couple gems hidden in the dung pile. Movies that just hit me the right way and despite their obvious flaws, win me right over. Sharkenstein is one of these. I’ve found another with the brand new 2021 movie, Virus Shark!Continue reading Virus Shark: A Low Budget Fun Mutation
Welcome back! You read part one, right? Good for you. Or I’m sorry. Depends on how you feel.
We continue our odyssey into the wet and wild world of living dinosaurs with Aussie director Andrew Traucki’s follow up to his 2007 cult hit crocsploitation flic, Black Water. This one is unexpectedly yet expectedly called Black Water: Abyss and was released in everyone’s favorite year, 2020. I’m not sure this is a sequel. I mean, it could be but there isn’t really a connection to the first movie much at all. Other than the croc, of course.Continue reading A “Saltie” Crocsploitation Double Feature Part Two: Black Water: Abyss