The seventies are chock full of badly rendered ripoffs of Jaws, each trying with varying amounts of success to reproduce the rabid popularity of the monster hit of 1975. Just as I love me some bad sharksploitation films, so too do I adore watching these shit shows.Continue reading Sharksploitation Coat-Tails: Barracuda (AKA The Lucifer Project)
I know, I know. It’s May. It is not even halfway to Christmas. However, when one comes across a movie called Santa Jaws, regardless of the time of year, one watches the damn thing.Continue reading Santa Jaws: She’s Comin’ To Town!
SyFy Channel is like a big bowl of jelly beans. In general, I love me some jelly beans. But once in a while I reach in, hopeful and optimistic, comfortable in my odds of getting a little ball of yummers, and then whammo! Fucking licorice.Continue reading Sharktopus: Almost Watchable
I was a little unsure how Dolph Lundgren would factor into this movie. Turns out, he was the best thing about it. And that’s not saying much, folks.Continue reading Shark Lake: Bull Shark Bullshit
This movie opens with an alien mothership hurling a fiery soccer ball at the earth. It lands in the sea and is promptly swallowed by a Great White. The shark convulses and transforms into Roboshark, the sweetest little death machine you ever did see!Continue reading Roboshark: Cuteness in Seattle
I have been writing these shark movie reviews for a while now. Some of the feedback I have received has criticized me for ripping apart the bad science and shitty premises of these films. They are supposed to be bad so I need to STFU and just enjoy that insanity.Continue reading Sharksploitation and My Inner Conflict
I am really starting to like this Mark Atkins guy. He directed the prequel called Planet of the Sharks and it wasn’t bad. It’s not necessary to view that one to understand this one, but a back to back viewing of Planet and Empire might make for an entertaining afternoon. The Asylum sharksploitation films are always a little bit slicker than your average bear. This one is no different. Also two words: kamikaze shark.Continue reading Empire of the Sharks: Soggy and Savage
As expected, this sequel to one of the funnest sharksploitation films ever made is quite inferior. However, I was equal parts horrified and tickled to hear the theme song for this travesty of a film. It comes right after the opening scene, and boy howdy, it’s a doozy. With magical and haunting lyrics like “Swimming through the riptide of life” or something similar (my mind shut down somewhere during the third lyric) it reminded me of a song one could find in a Baywatch episode or an After School Special. The main hook was “Drowning in a deep bluuuuuue seeeeeeeaa!” That part is important to note.Continue reading Deep Blue Sea 2: Drowning in the deep blue!
The first Ghost Shark movie is one of my favorite sharksploitation films of all time. Why? It features some of the most hilarious kills and one of the most outlandish scenarios. It is simply a hoot.Continue reading Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws- God damn
Unless you currently reside on the underside of a rock, you are familiar with the virus that is causing panic around the world. I am not going to address that directly because I am not a virologist and there are enough opinions and misleading headlines as it is. But it did get me thinking…Continue reading The Unseen Fear: Why movies should hide the shark